Ringballs: The Movie!

In a section of Earth very, very, very near the middle…

Uruk-hai: Dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink....

Dark Sauron: [pulls off his eye] I can't see in this thing!

Dark Sauron: Who made that man an archer?
Archer: I did sir! He’s my cousin.
Dark Sauron: Who is he?
Col. Sarumanz: He’s a dork, sir.
Dark Sauron: I know that! What’s his name?
Col. Sarumanz: That is his name. Major de Orc.
Dark Sauron: And his cousin?
Col. Sarumanz: He’s a de Orc too, sir. Archer’s mate, first class, Philip de Orc.
Dark Sauron: How many dorks we got in this tower, anyhow?
[Orcs shout “Yo!”]
Dark Sauron: I knew it! I’m surrounded by dorks! Keep firing dorks!

Nazgul 1: What happened, where'd the she-elf go?
Nazgul 2: I don't know sir, she must have secret hyperjets on that horse!
Nazgul 1: What do we have on this thing, a cuisinart?

Elrond: Ok Frodo, welcome to real life. You want this Ring of Power? You carry it!
Frodo: Pick that up!
Elrond: YOU pick that up!

Dark Sauron: Now that I have my coffee, I'm ready to watch my radar. Where is it?
Col. Sarumanz: Here it is sir, Mr. Palantir.

Col Sarumanz: I have an idea! Orc! Get me a copy of Two Towers the movie!

Sauron: Have you found anything yet?
Nazgul: We ain't found shit!

Forget the Ring! The Ring is bupkiss. I found it in a cracker jack box. The Gollum is in you, Lone Frrodo! It's in you!

DARK SAURON: (imitating Frodo) No. No, please, leave
me alone. (mask down voice) No you are mine. (imitating Samwise) Not so fast, SAURON. (mask down voice) Samwise. (imitating Samwise) Yes, it's me. I'm here to save my girlfriend. Hi, honey. (mask down voice) Now you are going to die. (imitating Samwise) Oh, oh, ohhhh. (imitating Aragorn) Hey, what did you do to my friend? (mask down voice) The same thing I'm going to do to you, big boy. (imitating Gimli) Oh, ohhh. (mask down voice) And you too. (imitating Legolas) Oh, ohh. (mask down voice) Now, Princess Frodo, at last we are alone. (imitating Frodo) No, no, I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Leave me alone....yet, I find you strangely attractive. (mask down voice) Of course you do. Hobbit princesses are always attracted to money and power. And I have both, and you know it. (imitating Frodo) No, leave me alone. (mask down voice) No, kiss me. (imitating Frodo) No,
yes, no, yes, yes, no, no, ah, oh, oh, oh, ah, ohh, oh, you're eye is
so big.

Forget the Ring! The Ring is bupkiss. I found it in a cracker jack box. The Gollum is in you, Lone Frrodo! It's in you!

If you can read this, you don't speak Elvish.